Becoming a Mummy – Second Time Over!

Heidi Skudder Parenting, Pregnancy

For those of you who already have a second or even third baby, you will appreciate that this blog is being squeezed in amongst a never-ending to-do list, whilst having a toddler demanding every minute of your attention! Much like the second baby that is growing in my tummy, the attention still focuses much on the 1st child – rather than the child who is still growing inside!

I have been asked many times how the 2nd pregnancy is different and I thought it would be nice to share my thoughts on the newest arrival, as due date gets ever closer;

  1. The sickness and tiredness in the first trimester is a whole new level of exhaustion. First time around I was able to indulge myself in some TV watching, potato waffle-eating days off work whilst feeling rough. Second time over, and there is absolutely no time to even think about yourself! Looking after a 10 month old, whilst feeling hungover every day, was a real struggle and, looking back, was probably my lowest moments of motherhood to date. I struggled physically and emotionally and felt like I was doing an awful job of, both, looking after my baby and growing one, too!
  2. I have no idea how pregnant I am unless I remember to check my pregnancy app! First time over I counted down the days and knew exactly which piece of fruit my baby was at any one time. This time, I couldn’t even tell you without guessing. But, when I got the email reminder this weekend that informed me that the weeks left were in single figures, it was a real shock!
  3. Baby number two comes with so much exposure to rough and tumble play already, he will already be a WWF fighter when he comes out! Although I was fairly relaxed first time around with things like lifting, sleeping in funny positions and so on, second time around he has already been kicked and climbed on by his elder sibling and sleep is sleep – no matter what position Mummy might end up in!
  4. In the first pregnancy I enjoyed buying maternity clothes, trying to work out what my maternity style sense would be (not that I ever realised it), and just generally had time to research how to dress a bump. Second time over, you realise you are still wearing the same pair of leggings and baggy jumper that you were two weeks ago! I have had another flutter in the maternity shopping world recently, as the pregnancies are different seasons, so have barely overlapped at all in terms of what it is I need for them.
  5. Maybe more obvious if having a baby of the same sex, but along the way with my first I would buy little outfits and cute baby accessories, stashing them all under the bed in a box so it didn’t look like I had gone OOT when the time came! This time baby is very much going to be wearing his older brother’s hand me downs, with the exception of one or two little treats. That will, most likely, mean wearing my first’s summer clothes with tights in the winter and vice versa given the different seasons!
  6. The guilt! Even before second baby arrives – so much guilt! Will I love this baby as much? How could I possibly enjoy my time with this baby as much as I have with my first? How will I continue to give this baby the same love that I gave my first? Where will my partner ever fit in my life again with two babies to look after? The guilt is endless…and it hasn’t even started! I am lucky enough to appreciate that this as normal though, as in my Prepping for 2nd Baby Course we talk about this a lot! So I hope that when baby arrives I deal with it rationally, rather than being submersed by the guilt factor that can be so damaging to anyone’s experience as a mother.

So there it is, 9 weeks and counting… A completely different experience second time over but that comes with the acknowledgement that this is the reality of a second baby and does not mean in the slightest that he will be loved any less than the first time around. I can’t wait to meet him and I am sure that this is the best gift we could have chosen to give our first born – it just means that, overall, he will be a little less indulged but, as a bonus, he gets a bigger brother to look up to and be guided by. Swings and roundabouts?